i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
