feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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