you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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