3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
