It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
