I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
