Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
