Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
