just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
