dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
