So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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