She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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