we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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