apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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