a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
im six kinds of drunk right now
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When are your genitals available?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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