I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
how does that bad decision feel?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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