I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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