Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
