Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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