Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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