Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
