he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
