I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
