I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
