I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
