He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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