thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
