Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
