Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
