So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
