My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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