I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
