Duck Duck Cougar?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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