Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
