Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
