This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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