Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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