I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
