OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
