Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
