Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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