My Higher Power is John Stamos
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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