I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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