I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
