You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
