Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
