No awkward lesbian experiences without me
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
