I'm jealous of your bromance
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My dick has a subreddit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
