So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
