i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
