You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
