So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
