Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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