someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Say something about gay babies.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
