I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
