Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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