And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
