Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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