I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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